Category: mindfulness

August seems like a great time to detox!

Hello! Blogging world.  It’s Troy’s wife, Melanie.  He’s mentioned me in a few blogs and I’ve always PLANNED to join in the fun, but alas never took the time to write down my thoughts.  So here goes, my first blog… please be gentle 🙂

Troy and I just took one of our amazing trips.  This time with the 2 younger boys for their vacation before they go back to school.  Jackson has been playing baseball all summer making it difficult to go on a vacation.  This year, I thought we could just keep it simple and go to Louisville, KY, about 4 hours from our home.  I hope to make time to write a review of Louisville, but this blog is about getting back to a normal / sustainable routine.  When Troy and I travel, we enjoy a little bit extra most places.  We eat desert, have the coffee, try the new item on the menu and all that fun stuff.  We buy the kids ice cream and let them eat fast food more than usual.  And usually, I come home with the attitude that I need to get my life and decision under control.  While it’s fun to relax and enjoy, those unhealthy decisions wake me up in the middle of the night, make me cranky, and sluggish all around.  We try to keep active by hiking, climbing, and running, but I can’t keep up with the extreme schedule in either direction.

Also, I’ve been listening to Cait Flanders book a “A Year of Less” which is my second time listening.  She makes great points and the book reviews what we all know which is if you want to lose weight, eat less, if you want to save money, spend less, and so on.  Cait explains how she personally tackles spending less for a whole year.  She holds herself accountable by writing a blog and sharing with the world her successes and her opportunities to improve.  Ugh, and man do I HATE holding myself accountable publicly or honestly even formally.  I won’t even write it in a journal so there’s always a way to wiggle out of a goal.  With that being said, I reach my goals usually.  Over the past 9 months, I’ve lost 30 pounds.  I’ve started running consistently again planning for a 1/2 marathon in November.  I’ve started consistently climbing (something that was never a goal, but satisfies weight training).  i reach goals for the most part, but I don’t make big vision boards and document the progress.  I guess until now.

I have 10 more pounds I want to lose.  I want to do that while training for a 1/2 marathon and not being so reliant on Optifast to get there.  I want to move into the phase of eating that is my new normal and that I can control myself.  I would also like to reduce my spending.  I previously listened to Cait’s book and really curbed my spending on clothing and small, impulse buys, but when I lost weight, I opened my budget to replace my closet and well, that needs to get back under control.  I haven’t re-filled my closet completely, but I wanted to keep it minimal and it’s kinda not.

So, starting today, I am coming up with my rules of engagement for the rest of 2019 for spending.  I am also coming up with my healthy plan for the month of August to be renewed in September.  I have some travel happening in September that will take some special consideration.

Spending through 12/31/19:

  1. Can buy house hold items that need replaced or are non-existent now
  2. Can buy items to finish decorating the boys rooms
  3. At the beginning of each month, thoughtfully determine the 3 wardrobe items that make the most sense – get rid of what they replace if they replace items
  4. Determine a plan for Christmas
  5. Can buy items for the boys that they need, such as sports gear

Current items I want to buy:

  • Black blazer for work – thinking I will wait for a labor day sale at WHBM
  • Climbing shorts – because the ones I have are too big and I climb ~ 3 times a week
  • Running shorts – because I have 2 pairs now and would like a 3rd for a whole weeks worth of running shorts with pockets
  • A traditional jean skirt – because I think it’s cute

This list can be updated, because I’m sure I did not think about everything…. Also, I want to review my spending history to make sure my gut feeling is right that I’m spending most of my money on clothing.

Weight management for the month of August:
Goal weight = 140, current weight 155 (Louisville weekend was super fun, and wow! I just published my freaking weight, uh, that hurts 😉

  1. Drink alcohol only once a week (usually, Monday night climb and wine)
  2. Go to Conci regularly to check in and progress off the Optifast diet
  3. Plan a meal strategy at the beginning of every week – this week I will be finishing the Fresh ’n Lean meals for lunch and salads for dinner
  4. Track calories using My Fitness Pal
  5. Weigh myself daily
  6. Continue with the Garmin running plan, climbing for fun, and add to the fitness routine Ab workouts

I will check back in next week for an update on my progress.

In Pursuit of Zero

We have two kids in college at the moment. One is finishing up, the other is taking off from her first year like a rocket, jumping from Freshman to Junior by way of a full load and a summer semester abroad in Ireland. Having had children early in life by modern metropolitan standards, I didn’t have time or the extra funds to save for college. However, I hold firm to the commitment that my children should not come out of college saddled with debt, so… yours truly is paying for college. As I watch the student debt totals climb, I begin to get uneasy. I know I can pay it off in a reasonable time, but I do not like owing money. The only logical conclusion is to reduce spending in order to funnel more money towards the debt. Hence, “in pursuit of zero.”

Having read up, watched movies, and listened to podcasts on the topic of minimalism, I am wise in the ways. There is a mental shift that has to take place in order to buy less. We get settled into our routines like morning coffee at Dunkin Donuts (yes, this part of America runs on Dunkin), grabbing a bite at the cafe for lunch, or closing out a long work week at happy hour with friends. All of a sudden not doing those things when your income level hasn’t changed feels a bit like punishment. I also find that I tend to buy things whimsically – especially when life isn’t going as expected. Frustrations at work? Oh, I think I’ll work on my upper body and core strength with a new set of gymnastic rings for the garage. To be fair, I do use my new toys. But in reality, I don’t need them.

So it is with essentially no fanfare that this weekend I kick off a fresh pursuit of zero. I’ll start with some analysis of where I’ve been spending my money – this is always a hoot. From there I’ll look for opportunities to reduce subscriptions and then set ground rules for spending like: “No takeout coffee.” Even if I can free up an extra $50 a month to redirect toward paying down debt, I’ll call it a win. While I won’t post exact dollar figures here, I’ll check back in in a future post to report any progress.

On a related note, I find that Cait Flanders’ The Year of Less is the best book on moving toward frugal living. What I thought would be an exercise in throwing stuff out and setting rules about shopping a la Marie Kondo turned into a deep analysis of the factors that drove Cait’s consumerist behavior. While I don’t have much in common with Cait, I applauded her candor and honesty, which inspired me to get out of some of my own mental ruts associated with spending.

Cheers!

When Suffering, Smile

So let’s get started with all the appropriate waivers: I’m not a doctor, I don’t play one on TV, seek professional medical or psychological help if you’re feeling an emergency situation, 9 out of 10 dentists probably do not recommend this, call your mother, and my dog ate my homework. That being said, the past several days have been rough. I haven’t felt exactly ill, but I certainly have not felt well. Pile on the work, add a dash of extra stuff to do around the house, and there we have it: a sour mental state.

My wife and better half has even lovingly told me over the past few days, “You’re very abrupt.” I think she used the term ‘mic drop’ in there somewhere, but she made the point. When we kicked off the day yesterday (Monday), I would say I had a full case of the blues. I was contemplating not going to work, which for me, is a serious matter. I actually sat down for a little while and did not move. I felt the pull of inertia rooting me to the spot. After several moments of staring at the fan which was blowing air into my face in front of me, a quote popped into my head, “When you’re really suffering, you have to smile.” “What a dumb thing to say,” I mentally responded to the quote.

After a moment’s mental searching, I realized where I had heard it. It was advice given during an interview with an ultrarunner – you know, these crazy people who run 50k, 100k, 100 miles, and even more. I don’t remember the exact ultrarunner, but honestly they all say about the same thing. Their point is that unless you’ve really done some serious injury to your body, you can overcome the general suffering (muscle aches, random internal pains, etc.) of hours and hours of continuous movement. Overcoming the suffering starts with the mind – sort of. There are some great books and studies on the market covering this in much greater detail, but in essence the science behind endurance says that action and thought are very much linked. So, smiling for instance, actually lifts our spirits and enables us to endure more. Score one for the long distance running crazies.

Yesterday morning, I smiled. I also dressed more professionally than usual. I didn’t have any important meetings on the day, but the professionalism of the clothes also helped propel me forward. Silly, I know. Here is the funny thing: I had an extremely productive day. I had a breakthrough on a topic that had been weighing me down. I had some new administrivia come up and instead of kicking the can down the road, I faced it head on and came to a nearly immediate solution. On the whole, I’d say that I won the day.

So here is to ‘smiling when suffering,’ ‘faking it until you make it,’ ‘a body in motion stays in motion,’ and all the other conventional wisdom for overcoming a bit of adversity. Wishing you a smile filled, roll-that-rock-up-the-hill kind of a sunshiny day.

The Last Parking Spot

The AM commute is always full of caffeinated, elbows-out driving here in my lovely city. I sometimes cringe as people jockey for positions in two lanes of essentially free-flowing traffic. I often wonder, “are they going to get the last parking spot?” It doesn’t matter. My 20-year-old car is only capable of so much revelry. There’s no way I can compete with the giant SUVs powered by V24 engines and the bi-turbo hot hatches that zip in barely-there spaces like motorcycles in Thailand. So, I drive in a terribly unsexy fashion at just about the speed limit as people pass me impatiently. And then it happens. Some 2-3 minutes after they’ve raced ahead, I come pottering along and park right beside them. They’re finishing up the morning’s first conference call and searching their bags for heaven only knows.

I’m sure I am missing out. What I’m missing, I don’t know. What I do know is I got in before the last parking spot was taken. But then again, it is never the last parking spot.

Enjoy your day.

Mindfulness and Motivation

Mindfulness Meditation Reduces Motivation is the title of an article published on INSEAD last summer. The article recently came across my newsfeed on social media. My experience over the past several years has been the exact opposite, so I clicked to see what the research had to say.

The article is already a summary of the study, so in order to not water it down further, I’ll just directly quote their study set up and results:

Mindfulness meditation and performance
We had some people meditate by listening to an approximately ten-minute meditation exercise guided by a professional mindfulness coach, a technique similar to popular mindfulness exercises and one we used in prior research. Other people listened to the same coach guiding them to let their minds wander. Mind-wandering is the opposite of mindfulness and, not incidentally, what most people’s minds do much of the time.
We then gave them a small job to do. The jobs were similar to daily activities such as editing a cover letter or wordsmithing. Before they began the task, we asked them how motivated they were. Did they want to do the task? Did they plan to spend much time on it?
The results were clear. After meditating, people lacked motivation. They didn’t feel like doing work, nor did they want to spend much time on it. Being mindful made people focus less on the future and instilled a sense of calm – just as it promises – but that came at the cost of wanting to get things done.

Read more at https://knowledge.insead.edu/leadership-organisations/mindfulness-meditation-reduces-motivation-9786#htMsdcQEiCgCTtVA.99

I thought about why my experience has been so different. Is it simply because I have an A++ personality? Has my natural inclination to get things done and to be effective overridden the performance-deteriorating effects of mindfulness? I don’t think so. If I look back at my time in school, my personality was certainly not enough to drive me to get great grades. There have been several aspects of my life where “good enough” has been good enough, so why has mindfulness helped me achieve goals later in life? I scrolled down to the comments to see what others were saying.

I’d like to thank commenter “Sue” for shining the light on the situation.

I’d disagree – Sue 25.07.2018 at 12:38 am
I’ve been a zen buddists practioners now for nearly 13 years, 1/2 hour in morning, 1/2 in the evening, and for many years a 4 hour zazen once a week. 10 minutes is hardly a “meditation”, that’s meerly enough time to realize how truly disordered your mind actually is, and guided meditation doesn’t quite have much of a benefit as self disciplined meditation. I write code for a living, and quite to the contrary of what you found in your narrow survey, sunyata meditation has paid me huge dividends when it come to singleness of purpose, zeal, and attention to detail. Code can be hugely monotonous, and it gives me the patience I need to full fill the goal without having to fixate on the outcome. I work more efficiently. Might be better if you test “real meditators” takes years of discipline… Not 10 minutes!!! Lol

Read more at https://knowledge.insead.edu/leadership-organisations/mindfulness-meditation-reduces-motivation-9786#htMsdcQEiCgCTtVA.99

While I see where “Sue” was going here, she actually led me to a different conclusion. I think what’s missing from the study is a sense of purpose. When I first started with meditation, I started with secular “mindfulness,” which is essentially a calming exercise like that used in the study. As I began to reap the calming benefits of having a regular meditation practice, I decided to dig a little deeper into the source of the meditation practice: Buddhism.

It was only after I began to understand Buddhism on a whole did I appreciate that mindfulness meditation is only a small part of the overall construct. For the sake of time and space, I’ll skip over the introductory tenants of the Four Noble Truths, but I’ve offered a link to anyone interested. Rather, let’s take a look at the Eightfold Path, which is presented in the Fourth Truth. I have pasted the tenants at the bottom of this post for convenience, but the original source of the content is zenbuddhism.net.

Readers will quickly recognize that none of this was present in the study. There was no intention, no focus on action or effort. In short, there was no purpose for the mundane task given after the meditation. Given these points, I agree with their findings. Mindfulness meditation without any stated purpose will likely reduce motivation. It helps to accept “what is” in lieu of “what should be.” However, when placed back into context with an overall purpose, mindfulness meditation can be incredibly empowering. Just as “Sue” said, “I write code for a living, and quite to the contrary of what you found in your narrow survey, sunyata meditation has paid me huge dividends when it come to singleness of purpose, zeal, and attention to detail.” Like “Sue,” I practice Zen Buddhism, which has afforded me a significantly improved ability to focus on the task at hand, even when the task takes hours and hours of significant effort like running a 50k.

As I mentioned in a previous post, From Middle America to Zen Buddhism, I’m an unlikely adherent of Zen. I grew up in a deeply conservative and Christian part of rural America. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to just deepen my faith in Christianity to find the same peace of mind I was looking for? That is a fascinating question. A question that I am in fact, mulling over in another part of my brain as I wrap up this post. So… if you’re interested, stay tuned! Until then, as promised above, the following is Buddha’s eightfold path.

The eightfold path suggested by Buddha involves adherence to:

1. The Right View

By right view, Buddha means seeing things in the right perspective. Seeing things as they really are, without any false illusions or pretenses. He wanted his followers to see and to understand the transient nature of worldly ideas and possessions and to understand that they can attain salvation only if they practiced the right karma.

2. The Right Intention

Buddha says that we are what we are because of what we think. What goes on inside our minds (our thought process) determines our course of action. It is, therefore, necessary to follow the path of Right thought or Right Intention. To have the Right Intention or the Right Thought, a person should be aware of his purpose or role in life and is studying the teachings of Buddha.

3. The Right Speech

Buddha asks his followers to speak truth, to avoid slander and malicious gossip and to refrain from abusive language. Harsh words that can cause distress or offend others should also be avoided while also staying clear of mindless idle chatter which lacks any depth.

4. The Right Action

Behaving peacefully and harmoniously; Right action, according to Buddha, lies in adherence to the following guidelines:

– Staying in harmony with fellow human beings
– Behaving peacefully
– Not stealing
– Not killing anyone
– Avoiding overindulgence in sensual pleasure
– Abstaining from sexual misconduct
– Not indulging in fraudulent practices, deceitfulness and robbery

5. The Right Livelihood

By laying down this guideline, Buddha advises his followers to earn their bread and butter righteously, without resorting to illegal and nefarious activities. He does not expect his followers to exploit other human beings or animals or to trade in weapons or intoxicants.

6. The Right Effort

Buddha believed that human nature imposes undue restrictions on the mind at times, causing a person to harbor ill thoughts. So we have to train our mind to think in the right direction if we wish to become better human beings. Once we gain control over our thoughts and replace the unpleasant ones with positive ones, we shall be moving in the right direction.

7. The Right Mindfulness

The Right Mindfulness, together with the Right Concentration, forms the basis of Buddhist meditation. By proposing this, Buddha suggests his followers to focus mentally on their emotions, mental faculties, and capabilities while staying away from worldly desires and other distractions.

It refers to the ability of the mind to see things as they are without being led astray by greed, avarice, anger and ignorance.

8. The Right Concentration

This eighth principle laid down by Buddha is fundamental for proper meditation. Zazen (or, Zen meditation) is the way used in Zen to reach the right concentration or “state of mind”. Needless to add, this is the most vital of all the aspects stated in the Noble Eightfold path since, without proper meditation, an individual cannot move on to a higher level of well-being.

Running My First 50k

I started this blog post the morning before attempting my first 50k run. The title of this post very well could have read, “My first ‘Did Not Finish’ (DNF) Race.” As I stated in an earlier post, Taking a Zero Day, I had some setbacks in my training routine running up to the race. Those setbacks lingered. And then lingered some more. My foot never really healed all the way. The most I had run at one time for the 3 weeks prior to the race was 4 miles, and my foot hurt every time. So to think I could make it 31 miles was pretty silly. But, somehow it worked.

Before the race, I took a mental assessment over breakfast of my physical and mental states. Here is what I wrote down:

  • Body feels good, well-rested and ready to work
  • Ankle pain 3 out of 10, worst when I flex the outer part of my foot upwards
  • Thinking about which wheel will fall off first: most likely my ankle, maybe my legs from a lack of running, least likely my cardiovascular system
  • Considering disappointment of being listed on the race results as DNF
  • Thinking about letting down Matt – my friend and running partner – whom I roped into this crazy idea
  • Given that it is a trail race, I cannot walk the required pace to make the cutoff time
  • Realistic probability of finish: 30%
  • Trying to quash the negativity, I am starting affirmations and visualizing a pleasant run in the woods

Then it was time to go. So I stopped thinking and put myself on auto-pilot. I loaded up my truck with my pre-packed supplies from the night before, and drove to the race start in the dark. When I say I stopped thinking, I put all my meditation practice into effect. I stopped assessing and ruminating. I stopped thinking about disappointments and pain. I used the skills I have learned in meditation to go through the motions and accept whatever came. Once at the race start, I continued to go through the motions. I met up with my friend, we made the decision to run light and rely upon the aid stations for food and drinks. Soon it was time to start.

The Rocks and Roots Trail Series at Alum Creek State Park in Lewis Center, Ohio, is one of the best organized I’ve ever experienced. It is a very small race, capped at 400 runners, and it is organized by runners for runners. I highly recommend it if you can get a spot. The leading picture for this post is one of the many stunning views you’ll experience throughout the two 10k loops of this fun and challenging course. So with some quick, no-nonsense announcements and an old-fashioned, “Ready, Set, Go!”, we were off at 8 AM.

I started off limping and then eased into a slow, methodical stride. A funny thing happened. My foot pain spiked early and then within 10 minutes subsided back to a 2 or 3 out of 10. I thought, “I can live with this.” So I just kept going. That’s how it went. Minute by minute, hour by hour, I just kept going. One foot in front of the other. 4 hours into the race, we had completed our first 30k (18.6 miles). If you’re doing the math, these are not fast miles, but that’s OK. We decided that this was a “just finish” race because it was our first attempt at this distance and, given that it was a trail race where we go up and down ravines and hop over downed trees, this was never going to be flat out. At 30k, the course was getting really boggy. There were significant portions of the course where the term “running” simply did not apply. Think, “ankle-deep pancake batter” and you get the picture. For these portions, we slowed to a walk and then picked back up on drier parts of the trail.

Somewhere around mile 29, I caught a root with my bad foot and it sent pains spiking through my leg. So I walked for a bit. My running partner and long-time friend – ever patient – walked along just in front of me, willing me forward. There was no stopping now. I had to cover the two miles back to the finish line anyway. So I walked on and used deep, focused breathing to let go of the pain. Soon I was back to trotting on drier spots and slogging through the mud.

And then it was over. We popped up out of the woods and came down the final stretch to the finish, where 20 or so people were cheering us on. Just over 7 hours of constant movement, and we had done it! Our first 50k. Matt and I crossed the finish line together, just as we had started. I want to be clear here that he could have gone ahead and beat my time by a good 30 minutes. But that isn’t who he is. After getting our medals and picking up our bags, we cheered the next 5 runners down the path. As the post-run chill sank in, we decided to call it a day and head back to our families, exuberant at our accomplishment.

As I put the finishing touches on this post, I feel great. My foot is a little swollen and tender, but I’m able to walk and be productive the day after a 50k (31 mile) race. I accomplished a major 2019 goal on day 6 of the year in the face of adversity. Perhaps I spend too much time on Zen Buddhism in my blog, but I will tell you dear reader that without my experience in sitting meditation, there is just about zero chance I would have attempted this race, let alone finished it. With that said, I also want to recognize the power of the team. Because without my friend Matt running along with me, I would have limped slowly across the finish line wondering what more I had left in the tank. Here’s to friends and zen!

Cheers!

Taking a Zero Day

In hiking parlance, taking a zero day means taking a day off. It isn’t often that I take a day off of running, especially with a long race coming up. I am preparing for a 50k trail race, which is the first time I’ll officially run longer than a marathon. To support the extra ups and downs of a trail race, I recently added 3 mile stair workouts with a weight vest and the change in training strained some muscles in my arches. I did my best to run through it, but the pain kept increasing as I put in miles on my other runs. So… time to take a break.

Taking a break from 6-days-per-week running after eight months should be easy in theory. As in, I could simply not run. But breaking a habit, even a habit that takes effort, is leaving me feeling adrift at the moment. This weekend, I found myself feeling stuck – almost paralyzed – and quite unproductive. It was like I had a computer program in my brain that said, “run” and when the “run” program didn’t execute, I struggled to figure out what was next. Instead of just skipping it and moving on to the rest of my chores, I sat stewing on the fact that I couldn’t run. I’d flex my feet and wince at the pain instead of simply moving on. What a wonderful opportunity to use a bit of mindfulness practice to overcome my faulty program!

First, sit with it. Instead of fighting reality, I took the opportunity to sit with the discomfort of the break in routine. I sat in meditation and worked on settling my brain. I found that I was stuck on repeat. “I just want to run. But I can’t. Stupid foot. Why did I have to overtrain? Maybe if I flex it, it will feel better.” Rinse and repeat. I thought through my attachment to the task of running. Really, I was attached to the expectation of being pain-free. I wanted things to be different than what they were right now. Instead of repeatedly berating myself to accept what was, I decided to focus on what I could do. Perhaps an anti-inflammatory or some ice or a bit of massage therapy? So after breaking the mental cycle of wanting to run pain-free, I decided to make a to do list. First, I’ll use a tennis ball to put pressure on the affected areas. Then I’ll follow that up with some ice. Finally, I’ll take some ibuprofen at bed time to calm the angry muscles. Satisfied with a plan, I was starting to let go of the attachment.

Second, take action on what I can do. I put my plan into action. I grabbed the tennis ball and put as much pressure as I could stand on the affected area. Rolling it over and over for about 5 minutes. The logic here was that I probably made the small muscles in my arch area “angry” with all the stair work and needed something to break up the knotted tissue. After some rather intense moments, I got an ice pack and applied 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off cold therapy for a half an hour. Nearing bed time, I took some ibuprofen and called it a night. The next morning, my foot was feeling significantly better.

Finally, accept the progress and use it as motivation to continue on the path to recovery. This morning, I decided to take another zero day. Two in a row? Yep. My wife and I took the kids skiing this morning for our second-youngest child’s birthday, so it served as a nice distraction. After we got home, I resisted the urge to attempt a run and – even better – resisted the urge to go back to stewing about not being able to run. Instead, I folded laundry, I tidied up the kitchen, I wrote my first blog post in a month, I caught up on televised soccer matches from the day, and this evening I’m going to watch a movie with my lovely wife.

Who knew a zero day could be so much fun?

Words Are Anchors… Or Only Clouds?

Words matter. We hear it all the time. We experience it all the time. We can be in the midst of a fantastic day and then BOOM, some words happen and we become completely thrown off. Maybe the words were a sharp criticism or back-handed compliment. Maybe they were a flirtation that you never expected. Maybe it was a social media post not necessarily aimed at you, but it hit home so hard that you can’t ignore it. Words anchor us to meaning. If you’re like me, you walk around (or run, or sit Zazen) and ruminate about words from time to time.

In the last few years, I have learned that resilience is perhaps the most valuable skill in my life. Resilience, Emotional Intelligence, grit, mindfulness, whatever we’re calling it this week, is the skillset that we use to bounce back from a setback to be able to focus on what is going on right now.

I mentioned earlier that words anchor us to meaning. To expand on that, think about the words that people have used to describe us or to give us feedback. If you’re like me, at least some of those words have stuck and turned into labels – some good and some bad. But either way, they anchor us and limit our possibilities. I have always been on the thin side with a slight frame, which my family lovingly referred to as “skinny.” Now 40 years later, I still doubt my athletic ability before going out for a long run or a soccer match. Will I be strong enough to compete?

One of the ways I’ve recently been able to build resilience around words is to think of them as clouds. Clouds are amazing. They can be beautiful formations in the sky or a grey blanket between the sun and us terrestrial beings. They can provide life-affirming rain or life-threatening lightening. But as with all of these cases, clouds change. Today’s dreary morning is this evening’s sky-on-fire sunset. Like clouds, words are impermanent. While words may represent “reality” right now and they should be given appropriate attention, the situation can and will change.

Interestingly, I’ve also been thinking about my words; especially, my words for others. Even though I’m building resilience to words by imagining them as wispy clouds moving across the sky, I have to recognize that other people aren’t where I am. So these days, I’m being careful to not anchor anyone with my words. I’m finding that it really doesn’t take that much extra time or care. Instead of, “You always do this,” I’m offering up, “I noticed that this happened when I did X.” I am finding that simple adjustments to my words are enriching my relationships because… words matter.

Does One Bad Apple Really Spoil the Whole Bunch?

I’m currently fascinated by Bad Apples. Bad Apples the metaphor for people, not so much the fruit. But of course there are corollaries. So the first question at hand is, “does one bad apple really spoil the whole bunch? For fruit, the answer is yes. Because ethylene. But what about people? From my experience, the answer is also a resounding yes. But don’t take my word for it. Check out this University of Washington study overview, which defined Bad Apples as “negative people as those who don’t do their fair share of work, who are chronically unhappy and emotionally unstable, or who bully or attack others.” They found that Bad Apples elicited coping mechanisms in other employees such as “denial, social withdrawal, anger, anxiety and fear.”

I know, I know, this is not really new. The saying exists for a reason. However, it does set the stage for some further inquiries I’ve been making around Bad Apples. So stay tuned for the Bad Apple series as we explore Bad Apples in Sports, how to deal with Bad Apples in your circles, and how to avoid becoming a Bad Apple.

That’s Curious

Be curious, not judgmental.                                                                                                                     -Walt Whitman

Simple but powerful. I coach my team to think this way. I do my best to live this way myself.

Today, we received some shocking news at work. It was interesting to watch everyone – myself included – go through the gyrations of processing the information. Most of us were inclined to judge. As I mindfully processed, I remembered Whitman’s sage advice. Instead of getting invested, I treated the news as data. I learned more about the world today through this topic. It allowed me to still feel deeply about the matter, but to minimize the disruption and get back to my day.

I hope your excitement is positive, but in times where it isn’t, perhaps this simple quote can inspire you to be able to accept the Truth of the situation and deal with it head on.